Aren’t you tired living a life of a person you are not? Aren’t you tired waking up in the morning with the same face, the same look of ‘Am not good enough’ ‘What am doing is not right’ ‘What people see is no who I truly am.’ Aren’t you tired of living by the phrase ‘Fake it till you make it?’ I am, I mean, I was. I truly don’t know which comes first.

Most of my life I have lived a fake life, a life for the eyes of men. Convincing the world of how good and perfect I am, of how awesome my life is and how happy I am. This was not the case, deep inside there was this undying voice that always said that ‘Siloma, this is not the life you are supposed to live, this is not the place you are supposed to be, these are not the things you are supposed to do. You are much better than this, you can do much, much better. The world is consuming you.’ At times I would heed to the voice and do much great in my life, I would write my poetry, do my music tutorials, practice my graphics design, advance in my blogs, concentrate on my deejaying, expand my knowledge in video editing and most of all, I would read more on my passion, computing.

Any enemy of success is the devil. I would hear critics say that I cannot be any good with everything I do as I am overworking myself. I would hear most of my very own friends asking ‘What are you trying to prove?’ This would constrict my heart into painful knots and I would want to prove them wrong. That was where it all started. I diverted all my attention and strength not to make myself better but to prove to people that am smarter and am getting better in things that am doing, to prove to them that am not just a Jack of all trades but a master of all. Before I was heeding to God’s voice that ‘Son, you are more than a conqueror, you can build mansions of ice tips.’ But now I was heeding to my own voice, ‘Siloma, how dare you allow these mongrels to say ill of you, to say that you cannot be better after all the time and effort you have spend on your talents? Do something to prove them wrong!’

It was after all that that everything went haywire. I would work for hours and achieve nothing, I would invest in much and see no progress simply because am heeding to my call to show the world how great I was. Satan would then get his hit. I would hate myself as I was not getting better and day by day that would hit me as a reality. I would take it in that I was a stagnant rock and would write poetry about that. I would in turn become lazy and quit doing the things I did, waste my time and feel so guilty about it.

I wondered why I felt guilty when I wasted my time, little did I know that you cannot run away from God’s calling. If God wants you to be a someone, I doesn’t matter how many whales will swallow you to bring you to your God destined place but you ultimately will. I had this battle in my heart, a battle of why I would want to do something and that something would stress me again, why I would feel so guilty whenever a day passed and I did nothing. It was my nature to live each day as my last, but I had this great feeling of laziness and incompetence.

Throughout my life, I would have content for everything I did, I would give it my all in every little task that I performed but I would see that I had done nothing, I would see myself as that ugly coral in the ocean. I had no friends. I would try to find some but later discovered that I didn’t fit. The thoughts my friends had and the ones I had were not in sync at all. They would think of having fun, what they will do next week, how they will get money, buy land, marry or get married and have everlasting happy families. To me, this was very shallow. I wanted more than this. I wanted to be a change in the world, I didn’t know how but I wanted to be unique. I didn’t want the normal life of live happily and die but a life that will positively impact the lives of others even if that meant undergoing pain myself. Even as not a staunch believer, I thought wealth, happy marriage and happy family came as default. It was until recently that I realized that this was great faith.

I became a ‘Christian’. Just to settle my troubling soul. I was very half baked, a Christian who would do the ‘cool’ things but still be a Christian who loves and believes in God. The cycle of my life was ‘sin-repent’ ‘sin-repent’ ‘sin-repent’ and was tired and gave up. I lost the meaning of my life because no matter how I wanted to be normal and live that ‘normal’ life I couldn’t. My soul yearned for more. I became a Christian again and the cycle of sinning and repenting was unending. I would give myself hope that no matter how I will stumble I would walk again because the Lord strengthens me but Lo! And Behold. I would say Christianity ain’t easy and damn right Satan would strengthen that. I quit for the last time, for good!

I would find myself challenging Christians on their word, asking them questions they couldn’t answer but this didn’t feel right in me. There was this voice and guilt that I hated that was deep in me that said ‘Siloma, no matter how you run away, this is your place, this is your peace of heart. This is where to do everything that you do, in God’s presence’ And damn right I became a Christian again with the cycle as sin-repent. I even started attending a Bible Study which is still another home to me. I became so personal and close to God, I would worship and praise him. I had the Christian friends who would send me Bible verses and devotions, I was in groups where Christ was the subject and life started flowing smoothly.

I thought that once you are a staunch, Satan leaves you and now you sway in the waters of the Holy Spirit, sweetly and graciously without much complication. I was mistaken. I realized that the more you become close to God, a small folly made you feel so guilty and so distanced from Him. I went back to my cycle of sinning and repenting and even quit on that Christianity thing for days but the urge that you are a child of God brings you back to His presence.

I realized that little or no Christians will ever tell you that they sin as they all want to be seen as very precious little angels of the Lord. Few or no Christian will ever say that they are struggling with salvation as they don’t want to be seen as they are the evil ones. I realized that salvation is a choice, and once you are closer to God you can choose to sin too. A friend asked me a simple question as I told her that I am a struggling Christian. She asked, “Whom or what have you enthroned as the primary being or thing in your life? Is this that phone or is it that whisper to God that you are grateful for yet another beautiful day?”

If God comes first in your life you need not worry of anything else that comes second from Him. If your phone comes first, you need to worry of where you will get funds for data, credit voucher etc. I realized that worshipping in truth and in spirit is a choice. I realized that becoming a half baked Christian is also a choice. I realized that what I keep so dear, what I listen and that does not glorify God is the reason for the sin-repent cycle I just had. I realized that you cannot just plant a seed without ploughing the field. I realized that I have to give myself away for God to use me as the singer William McDowell says, Withholding NOTHING!

You cannot claim to love God, if your closest company is of those who take no heed of his word and are doing nothing about it, you cannot claim to love God if you have that unlawful business, that explicit content, that lying tongue etc. Rome was not built in a day and so is Christianity, it is not just that snap of a finger. It is commitment, it is letting the supreme being control your life. Christianity is all about giving your all, it is about humbling yourself for it is written, “Whoever humbles himself will be exalted and whoever exalts himself will be humbled!” Reading the Bible, however boring to you is a choice, going to church too is a choice. I also realized that God doesn’t need me as much as I need Him.

Are you tired like me? Aren’t you tired of constant degradation from men? Aren’t you tired of fake smiles to friends while deep inside you are dying? Aren’t you tired of drinking your pain? Aren’t you tired of those sleeping nights and those harsh days? Aren’t you tired of thinking what your friends will think of you? Aren’t you tired of pleasing men and not God? Aren’t you tired of living the fake you? SWITCH! You have the control of the button in your hands. You have the freedom to make a choice. Step out. It is time to please the Creator and not the Creation!


Ever asked yourself any these questions? What if I did not reach my goals in life? What if tomorrow am mistakenly accused of crime and rot in prison? What if I lose all that I have kept so dear in my life in a tragedy and all am left is me? What if I lose all the wealth that I have made primary in my entire life? And What if tomorrow am diagnosed with a killer disease that made me lie in pain in the hospital awaiting death? Have you ever considered one day that your dreams and aspirations will reach a dead end? Your hopes shattered and all you are left with is nothing but yawns and troubling thoughts? Will that be the time to get back to God, to tell Him of how sorry you are and how you would like Him to take the wheel?

Today I want to talk to you about the god with us. The god that we humans worship and give all our attention to rather than the true, most high God who loves, cares and has great plans for us.

Have you ever downloaded that Bible App and when it is just that time to launch and read you see that WhatsApp notification in the taskbar and you rush to open it forgetting you were in the middle of getting some refreshing soul food? Have you been in that long waiting line, that vehicle and that sweet idea of hitting that Bible App hits you and just in time that Instagram popup or that other thought that you’ve either forgotten to do something or you were to do something strikes you? Damn! It happens to me almost all the time, funny or not strange enough I have never resumed reading that Bible.

It is always that time when we have this Holy Spirit idea to do something that pleases the Lord and that will complement what God has in store for us that other thoughts of distraction strikes us. 1 Corinthians 6:19 says, “Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself.” The Bible clearly states we do not belong to ourselves rather our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit who was given to us by the Lord that’s why Satan cannot live in us but with us. The god with us is the devil whose main aim is to search kill and destroy.

The god with us uses what the flesh desires, he uses what basically makes up a normal life. That phone, that television, that internet etc. We end up spending all that time sitted glued to our phones chatting, navigating tabs in our browsers searching for the latest secular songs, getting envious of what others have, lustfully looking at that other person near you rather than doing what will add value to our lives. The god with us has his primary goal, the flesh, and that’s why the Bible tells us in Galatians 5:17 “For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.”

The god with us is a liar, he wants us to be proud, inconsiderate and make us yearn more and more of what is in this world. He wants us to be angry, lazy, dishonest and treacherous. All he wants is to make us live the life, all is well, so long as I have that latest phone, that fancy car, that awesome bungalow and those coolest friends. But the spirit wants something totally different. The spirit wants peace, love, harmony amongst many of other good things.

Most of us live by what we see, we live an unplanned life, full of lust, full of murk and always wanting to show how great we are in this life. How awesome we are in the face of men but are nothing in the face of the Almighty. Deep inside we know this is not the life we want to live. We cry when we are alone, we have the state of unrest when we are not with anyone because our souls are not at peace because we do not want the ones who see us mighty in the worldly kingdom see our down times, there is nothing that complements our soul desires and we end up troubled.

The god with us shatters our dreams and aspirations, turns us from victors to victims, from saints to slaves and makes us abide by our flesh and then we become envious of those that make it. Those that have that peace in their soul, those that are happy because they trust in the Lord. Life is not all about having that expensive lifestyle, that praise from men, that recognition from others that you are wealthy. Life is peace, life is love, life is more of what good virtues come out of you, life is charisma, respect, and the realization that every day you live you change someone’s life positively and grow spiritually.

The same Bible says in Matthew 26:41 "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." This teaches us that life should complete us and not the vice-versa, we should not be slaves of what life offers but be conquerors of what good comes from it. God should live in you and not god live with you. Do not let what you own turn you against who offered it to you but use what you own to glorify the most high. Love the Lord, love whatever you gain by trusting in Him, inner peace, satisfaction, happiness and many other things. We humans count wealth in numbers and as we know there will NEVER be an end in numbers. Psalms 34:8 “Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.”